To be honest, I hadn't expected her to be that gong-ho about planning a wedding to begin with. My parents divorced about 5 years before the engagement and her entire outlook on marriage was bleak. She had begun to hate the entire institution of it and what it stood for. She simply didn't see the point in it. So, when I got engaged, I really didn't expect her to be involved in the planning. I was wrong.
Within a few weeks of being engaged, my mother had gone to many local libraries to check-out books on etiquette, floral arrangements and calligraphy. She began to craft an opinion, or idea, of what the wedding should look like, what it HAS to look like. The problem was, her wedding fantasy looks something like this:
I was appreciative of her desire to be involved, of course, but after our first blow-out fight over whether we should have cupcakes or cake, I knew this process may be difficult. I remember the day like it was yesterday. I casually mentioned how cute it might be to offer cupcakes instead of a cake, "and cost effective too!" I had boasted. It was like somebody had hit a light switch. "Well Melissa, if your going to throw tradition out the window why don't you just not have a wedding at all? Why don't you just go get married at the local beach under a gazebo?!?!" She was really mad. Like, absolutely irate at the mere suggestion that we serve cake in a more bite-sized formation. I couldn't believe it.
From there it's been a never-ending cycle of decision-making, a blow-out over said decision, a week without speaking, and then a make-up phone call. Planning resumes after the last part and the cycle continues again.
I'm not trying to shirk blame, but it's not me causing the problems - it's my mother! I'll admit that at times I am quick to dismiss her ideas, laughing at her dated perception of a modern wedding, I'll even admit that I'm just as stubborn as she. However, her ability to work herself into a frenzy over the underlying tone in a purple dress, or over sending out save-the-dates without a photo simply astonishes me. She truly is making the wedding-planning process miserable. And I HATE myself for thinking that. In fact, it's driving a wedge into an already-fragile relationship.
My question is this: what do I do? Has anyone ever been in this situation? If so, how did you resolve it?
This process is supposed to bring us together, not tear us apart.
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